Alaskan Adventures

Our cruise stopped in three Alaskan ports, which were Juneau, Sitka and Ketchikan, and we spent a day cruising Glacier Bay National Park. We also stopped in Victoria, British Columbia. None of the stops seemed long enough, but I guess that is the nature of the cruise! You’re on the captain’s time, not your own.

Juneau was first. To be honest, the town was very touristy with t-shirt shops, and, strangely, a ton of jewelry shops. Lots of stores wanted to give us a ‘free crystal pendant.’ Barf.

Getting off the boat:

Juneau

We determined we had just enough time to ride the Mt. Roberts Tram up the side of the hill to get some nice views. Or rainy views.

We saw Lady Baltimore, an eagle that lives up on the mountain. She was a non-releasable eagle due to the fact that she had been shot and severely injured. She’s doing okay now.

Lady Baltimore

Kris pretended to be an eagle.

Kris bird

Nice view at the top:

View from top

Totem making:

Totem carving

We raced back down the mountain and were the last ones to get in our van to head over to Mendenhall Lake for a glacier hike adventure. We put on tour supplied rain jackets, rain pants, boots, and grabbed helmets before we got in a giant canoe with about 20 people and two guides. The two guys I was positioned between whacked my paddle on every other stroke, so it was an exercise in patience for me. At some points, to save my knuckles, I had to sit back and not paddle.

Murder face:

Canoe murder

The scenery mostly made up for the irritating boat ride.

We eventually made it to shore, and dragged the canoe up. The first stop was the ice caves. Our guides went in to make sure everything was reasonably safe, and then we went inside. It was wet and surreal and very blue.

Environmental sidebar: One disturbing theme of the glacier hike was our guides repeated and repeated how much the glacier was receding. They mentioned several times what the area looked like last summer, and how far back the glacier was moving. Yes, glaciers do have natural recession cycles, but nothing like what has been going on in the past few years. Global warming is real. Humans are the likely cause. Alaska’s receding glaciers are canaries in the coal mine.

After the ice caves, they gave us crampons (spikes) to put on our boots and we hiked on the glacier. It was pretty easy to walk on, but parts were steep. The ice looked incredible.

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Apparently one complaint from past tourists was that the glacier was ‘too dirty.’ Ha!

Kris refused to go down this ice hole to see what was at the bottom. Rude.

Ice hole

Glacier 4

After we paddled back (another exercise in patience for me), we walked around downtown Juneau a little more before getting back on the ship.

We cruised Glacier Bay the next day and got some good photos. We also heard ‘white thunder’ as the Margerie Glacier calved.

MargerieMargerie 2Glacier Bay 5Margerie 3

The next city we stopped in was Sitka. This was probably my favorite city since it was the least touristy.

If you know me, you know I’m always interested in a good cemetery. The Sitka Russian Cemetery didn’t disappoint. We were the only (living) people there. It was a so, so beautiful.

Kris dragged me away from the cemetery to check out some history. Sitka was once owned by the Russians. It was the site of the Alaska Purchase ($7.2 million for the whole state!). I suppose it’d have been pretty cool to see the Russian flag lowered and the American flag raised. If you’re some sort of history nerd.

Sitka capitol

Sitka had some fun totem poles:

Sitka totems

One main attraction at Sitka is its Raptor Center, which rehabilitates and releases birds, or keeps them safe if they can’t be released again. This owl, Boris, was my favorite. Kris was creeped out by Boris.

Eagles:

The list of eagle health problems:

Eagle injuries

It was a fun stop, but the birds weren’t as entertaining as the bears! Sitka is home to Fortress of the Bear, a bear rescue. Unlike Canada and some other U.S. states, bears that are rehabilitated in Alaska can’t be released again, so Fortress of the Bear is signing on to take care of these bears for 40-some years. Most of the bears here were abandoned cubs whose mothers had been injured or killed.

Brown bears:

 

The black bears were much more lively and they chased each other around.

Also enjoyed in Sitka: a stop at a thrift store, a sushi lunch, and the free wifi at the public library. We also stopped at the public library in Juneau and enjoyed their free wifi. Wifi on cruises is ridiculously expensive. As usual, the local libraries came through for us and, as a nice bonus, we have some bookmarks from Alaska now.

Ketchikan was the last Alaskan port. Again, there were a lot of shops and tourist traps.

Ketchikan

We wandered over to Creek Street. I guess this is where prostitutes used to set up shop.

Fish Creek

Creek Street 2

There was a handy back entrance for attached men.

Married Man's Trail

We took a float plane tour of the Misty Fjords. The scenery was amazing, but, I’ll admit, I was a little nervous on the tiny plane!

 

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We stopped halfway, got out, and took some pictures. It was quiet and serene, and made me feel very small to be out in the middle of nowhere.

Misty Fjords

I had mixed feelings about the float plane. I think I would actually recommend to skip it if you find yourself in Ketchikan. Maybe it’s because our pilot wasn’t that personable or the duration of the trip was pretty short. It was one of those things that doesn’t match up with what I thought it would be in my head. It was on the pricey side, too, so I’m sure that added to my mixed feelings.

We said goodbye to Alaska (or until next time), and arrived in Victoria the next day. The Victoria port was typical Canada: a clean and pretty city. We ventured out to Butchart Gardens. We had trouble pronouncing the name, so it became Butch Fart Gardens for the duration because we are mature adults.

Butch fart

The gardens were something else.

We got sidetracked by the merry-go-round. I rode the zebra (the best animal to ride). Kris rode an orca.

Kris is actually very short. Proof:

K totem

The downside to this tour was that we finished up with the gardens about an hour early, so it was kind of frustrating to be ready to go back into Victoria, but not able to do so. I’d recommend hiring a taxi rather than a hopping on a tour bus for anyone in a similar time crunch.

We did get to see the parliament during the day and at night, though. Canadians do it right.

ParliamentParliament at night

After Victoria, we came back to the ship. I was sad that we didn’t have an itinerary for the next day. Our vacation was over!

It was a good one, though.

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Cruise4Life

In August we did a cruise to Alaska and now I might be addicted. I really enjoyed the cruising part of the vacation, which let me enjoy our time in Alaska even more.

Eurodam

We cruised with Holland America, on the Eurodam. Holland America caters to a middle-age and older crowd, and is not really a party cruise type line. We were in the younger third of the passengers, and that was fine with me. A late night for me is 11:00, and I’m down to eat dinner at 4:00.

Our ship was considered mid-sized with about 2000 passengers and 800 crew. It never felt crowded, unless we were at the buffet. We stayed in a veranda room on the 7th floor in the aft section of the ship. We could feel the waves, and I occasionally voiced my opinion that the Captain was drunk, but it was probably typical motion. Neither of us experienced any seasickness, although after we disembarked for the final time, I felt like I was still moving and that lasted for about a day.

There was plenty to do on the ship without being bored. In room entertainment included a wide selection of new and old movies and some TV shows. The news was also shown, but, let’s face it, I was more than ready to take a small break from news. We watched everything from Beauty and the Beast (old school version) to Fast and Furious 7 and Fate of the Furious (Kris hate watched).

Here’s Kris watching…something.

TV

There was also a streaming feed of cameras off the back and front of the ship that looked something like this:

Bow

Aft view

The veranda provided its own entertainment if you’re into nature and stuff. One morning I woke up early enough to watch our side of the ship dock.

Docking

The room itself was smaller than, say, a normal hotel room, but it was smartly arranged and had great storage. We (I) opted for two twin beds. Don’t judge-Kris is 6’7″! Every night we came back to chocolates and a towel animal and the itinerary for the next day. Everything was kept tidy with twice-a-day service by our cabin stewards, Risland and Lasiman. Risland even had our names down by the second day.

Balcony Room

Tips about tips: make sure to bring some cash to tip your cabin stewards or anyone bringing you room service or the especially nice bartender. Some gratuities are charged automatically, usually for alcoholic drinks. In addition, be prepared for a daily per person charge for gratuities. We paid $13.50 each for 7 days. Some people probably think that’s enough or maybe even too much for tips, but I guess I question how much of that is being passed on to the staff, so I’d prefer to be able to do some tipping on my own. If you strongly object to the daily charge, I’ve heard you can go down to guest services to have it taken off. Just be aware of this—if I hadn’t done my homework and known, that would’ve been a bad surprise.

Outside of the room, the entertainment options were plentiful. There was a three-story main stage with various entertainment every night, ranging from an original musical to an illusionist to the crew putting on an Indonesian cultural presentation. We went to the original musical and awkwardly/awesomely sat in the front row.

Main Stage

We also attended the Captain’s toast and, later on, the Captain’s Talk in the main stage. The toast had free sparkling wine and I made Kris steal us a second glass.

Captain's Toast

The talk was about how the ship worked and some Q&A time. Best question was if the Captain worried about pirates. Spoiler: not a lot of pirates off the Alaskan coast.

Ask the Captain

More musical entertainment included B.B. King’s Nightclub with a jazz band, dueling pianos, and Lincoln Center Stage, a string quartet accompanied by a piano.

Dueling pianos during the day:

Dueling Pianos

Aside from music, there were two pools to enjoy along with hot tubs. We did some hot tubbing and watched the waves in the pool. I guess I’m dumb and didn’t know that the huge lips on the pools were because once you’re cruising, the pool generates its own waves in response. Neato.

Pool with open top

One highlight was the Tamarind Bar, which was on the top floor of the ship near the Tamarind restaurant. It was usually very quiet up there, and I felt like I had my own secret spot. I spent a few mornings and afternoons up there taking in the scenery and in general feeling like I was in another world.  We watched the sunset from the Tamarind Bar one night, and stopped in for drinks another night.

Tamarind 2Tamarind 1Sunset

Drink tips: another suggestion is to have an alcohol plan if you want to drink on your vacation. Holland America lets each guest take one bottle of wine or champagne in their carry-on luggage. You have to check in your alcohol, so don’t think you’re going to be smart and take a bottle of hard liquor. Anyway, DO use your bottle allowance. Drinks on the ship are on the expensive side, about $6 for a beer and $7-10 for a glass of wine or cocktail. There were quite a few happy hours, though, nicely timed for before and after supper. The special was buy one, get the second for $2, but be aware that the second drink is the same as the first one. We ordered two drinks one night, expecting to be charged for a drink, and then $2. However, we ended up with four drinks. It was a good problem to have, but a little unexpected. Sodas were about $2.50 for a can, which we mostly avoided.

Another thought on drinks: I’m an avid water drinker. You’re not allowed to fill your water bottle at the buffet water station, and all of the drink glasses are tiny, tiny. I filled up a few times at the gym water fountain. Make an effort to stay hydrated, and scope out some places to refill your water bottle.

One of the first things we learned was from a presentation in the fitness center that passengers gain 1-2 pounds per DAY on a cruise. I’m sad to say that I believe this! Food was readily available. The ship had a huge buffet, dining room, 24-hour room service, an Asian restaurant, an Italian restaurant, a steakhouse, poolside burgers and fries, pizzas, and a pop-up French restaurant. Food everywhere all the time! It was pretty tasty, too. We tried to get away with skipping a few courses one night in the dining room, only to be nicely scolded by our waiter that we were “On vacation! Enjoy!”

Here’s the formal, two-story dining room:

Dining Room

Food tip: come up with some sort of game plan if you are worried about gaining weight. Maybe make a rule to skip the bread or indulge in one dessert a day instead of the *ahem* five Kris ate one night. To be fair, I had a wild night of three shrimp cocktails. The choices were overwhelming and our willpower seemed to fade as the day went on.

I managed to hit up the gym a few times. Running on the treadmill with the ship movement was like additional training! We also ended up walking the veranda deck for a few miles one night to burn off some calories. The ship hosted a 5k walk for the American Cancer Society as well. I attended a morning mediation/yoga class, which was pretty much stretching, but given the average age of participants, that was a good idea for everyone involved.

Yoga

Veranda walking:

Deck walking

Another tip: take the stairs if you can. There were always people waiting for elevators. The stairs were empty and it was another way to burn off some of the creme brulee calories I was worried about.

We had tea one afternoon and felt fancy:

Tea

Another evening there was a “Chocolate Surprise.” Staff wandered around the second floor of the ship with different chocolate desserts around 11:00 p.m.. That was fun and totally unnecessary! That might have been the day Kris had five desserts. We also took a tour of the kitchens and saw the massive amounts of prep work behind the scenes.

 

I missed towel folding because I was extremely busy napping. Damn, I wanted to learn how to make this guy:

Monkey man

One highlight was when we cruised Glacier Bay. The ship hosted some park rangers who gave talks throughout the day, and provided narration as we cruised through the park. Apparently the park rangers embarked and disembarked via a rope ladder! Now that’s a fun/terrifying way to get to work.

Park Ranger

Other entertainment included the casino.

Casino

Behold the table where Kris won first place in a poker tournament!

Poker Table

We also played and dominated trivia, natch.

Kris was on a hot streak. We played bingo and he won a Caribbean cruise with Holland America!  I’m really glad he won because I loved cruising, and can’t wait to do it again.

King of the…Alaskan waters!

King of the World

Alaska is our 50th state, and we were happy and lucky to hit our goal of seeing every state! Next blog will be all about what we did in AK.

50th

Don’t worry, we still have to see Africa, Asia, Australia, Antarctica, all the National Parks, and all of Wisconsin’s State Parks (about 20 to go) and 180+ countries.

If You Want to Get Away From It All

Do you suddenly feel like you want to run straight into the woods and forget about everything?

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Yeah, me too. And I know the perfect place to go.

First, make sure you like tigers.

 

Rad! Who doesn’t like tigers? No one, that’s who.

Then, make sure you aren’t afraid of heights and climbing.

Now book your stay at the Necedah Tower in Necedah, Wisconsin. We were checking off some state parks in the area and stayed overnight in the Necedah Tower, which Daniel, the owner, built over the course of seven years. Daniel was very knowledgeable about the area and Wisconsin’s natural history and enjoyed showing us around the tower and talking about its construction.

The views at the top can’t be beat.

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There’s a comfy queen bed, a bathroom and shower, and everything you need for a night. There was no Wifi or TV, though, which was fine with me. Bed at 8:00 p.m.! The tower is in a quiet, wooded area, but easy to find. You can’t see it from the road, which makes it even more spectacular when it appears at the end of the driveway.

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Due to some problems getting up to code (the part you sleep in is up to code and we weren’t worried about being unsafe at all—the whole thing felt very solid) Daniel has pulled the listing from AirBNB until he can get an inspector out. He closes the tower during winter anyway, so check back in the spring. You can become a fan of it on Facebook by looking for Necedah Tower. If you want to stay somewhere different, give it a spin. Daniel built his own house, too, and he also takes pictures of Bollywood performers.

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We didn’t see any clowns in the woods, but they probably are out and about after 8:00 p.m. All the more reason to go to bed early.

Podcast Love

I’m working on a mind-numbing, soul-sucking data entry project at work that has me questioning my existence and general contribution to society. I have been listing to podcast after podcast as I type type type away. Here’s what I’ve been listening to.

I started listening to podcasts on a frequent basis back in 2013. I had already listened to most of the This American Life catalog, but didn’t venture beyond that. Then I had my great financial crises of 2013: a $500 doctor bill that totally changed my outlook on money. I downloaded some Dave Ramsey in desperation and listening to him inspired me so much back then. While I don’t agree with his politics, he has some great financial guidelines for people who are clueless (like I was) about how to budget and get on track. I used to make Kris listen to it sometimes, but after one episode wherein Dave Ramsey kept calling a caller a “butt” Kris had enough. I eventually grew tired of DR going off on political rants, and graduated to other money podcasts to keep me inspired. One of the more recent ones that I enjoy is HerMoney with Jean Chatzky.  Jean interviews different people of varying degrees of fame, and then answers listener questions about money. She’s interviewed Angie Hicks from Angie’s List about starting a business from scratch, Ali Sweeney about identity theft, and even Dave Ramsey. While it is geared toward women, anyone can learn from it. She touches on careers, inspiration, organization…pretty much relevant to anyone who gets or wants a paycheck. Hundred dollar bills, ya’ll.

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Heavyweight is similar to This American Life, but sticks to one story and the host/narrator is directly involved. It’s funny and sad and has moments of beauty…basically TAL condensed. I was hooked by episode 2, Gregor, which covers the story of a guy that loaned Moby his Sounds of the South albums back in the 90s. Moby sampled Sounds of the South heavily for his Play album and subsequently blew up and became the famous bald vegan we all know. Gregor has complicated feelings about this and has repeatedly asked Moby for his albums back over the years. He goes to L.A. to track Moby down to get the albums back….20 years later. It is a fascinating listen, and Moby has some dark revelations about his fame.

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2000 was a weird time.

On Friday nights I can be found drinking wine and shouting at Dateline on the TV. “The husband did it!” is my usual refrain. Naturally, I loved Serial. I tried to fill the gap listening to a podcast (I won’t even name because I can’t recommend) about the Maura Murray disappearance, but it ended up going off the rails as they followed bizarre tangents. I was reluctant to spend time on another, but I really enjoyed listening to Accused. This follows a cold case from 1978 and there are so many suspects and twists that I listened to all eight episodes in two days.  Elizabeth Andes was murdered in her college apartment a few days after graduation, and her boyfriend, Bob Young, was immediately accused. He gave a confession under intense interrogation, but was ultimately acquitted by a criminal and civil jury. Accused interviews everyone and anyone around Elizabeth at that time, and it is fascinating to follow the cold case. There are no easy answers in this one, but it is well put together and the tenacity of the two female reporters is remarkable.

Of a far less murder-y flavor is Happier with Gretchen Rubin, which takes a look at habits and personality types and gives tips for making life easier and more productive. Gretchen and her sister discuss their work and family lives, and I frequently come back to bits of advice they give. One that’s running through my head lately is: what you do every day matters more than what you do once in a while. This is deceivingly simple: exercising every day, writing every day, doing a little cleaning every day will get me further than devoting a huge chunk of time to these activities every once in a while. I try to keep this in mind when I want to procrastinate, or put off the horrible data entry project I’m slugging through at work.

I’m a fan of Gretchen’s books, too, and I’ve started using her one-sentence journal as a gratitude journal. Gretchen introduced me to the 5 Love Languages (I’m the kind that likes getting gifts, so next time I see you, feel free) and Headspace, which let me try out guided meditation. Overall, lots of tips and tricks to examine yourself and fall down the rabbit hole of self-improvement.

The next podcast is an acquired, dirty taste: My Dad Wrote a Porno. This is put together by an English guy whose dad, like the title infers, wrote a porno. He reads it out loud to his two friends and they try and make sense of what is happening in Belinda Blinked, the porno book. There is nothing remotely sexy about any of the writing. It’s similar to trying to figure out if Pitbull has ever had sex based on his lyrics, and just as befuddling. This is one podcast I have actually LOLed at, and it’s always fun to listen to sophisticated British accents as they discuss x-rated topics. Especially when you’re at work (headphones are on for this one).

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So, what podcasts are you digging? I am always on the hunt for new ones and have found some great ones through trial and error and recommendations from friends.

Also: I’ve figured out how to insert gifs. And no, I won’t stop.

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When the Story Ends Too Soon

cff99f5a82aba7b1a277c1028071d752The Before

Pregnant! July 15. It’s a Friday and Kris is out of town until Tuesday and I am getting ready to dig into my first night home alone in quite some time with a bottle of red. There’s nothing I like more than falling down a slightly drunk YouTube black hole by myself. But before I pop a bottle, I pee on a strip and there is the faintest fainty faint line, but Google tells me a faint line is still a real line, and there’s a baby in me and holy crap. We were trying for this for a few months, and now it’s real. I calmly tell the dog and cat first because I want to wait to tell Kris in person on Tuesday. The dog shakes her head and the cat wanders off. Later that night, the cat pukes. I don’t think they want a sibling.

It’s a long weekend to keep this to myself. I go to a baby shower on Sunday and I keep my little secret under my hat. I’m pregnant, too! I whisper it into a mirror when I’m in the bathroom at the shower. Me, too. I’m going to have a baby. It’s still sinking in. My boobs are sore, pants are tight, I’m hungry and tired. Is four weeks pregnant too early to buy maternity pants? I go to the library and check out Pregnancy for Dummies. I go nuts on my Pinterest. I buy presents to tell our parents and other family members. I download the app that tells you the size of the baby by week, and charts baby’s development. It is already a baby, from moment one, to me.

Telling Kris is fun. I bought a University of Michigan onesie (even though I vow to myself that baby will wear a University of Wisconsin onesie first) and I pin a cute note on it to let him know he can have fun scooping the litterbox for the next nine months. He is elated about the baby, resigned to the litterbox. I enjoy reading him the gross bits from Pregnancy for Dummies. Linea negra. Mucus plugs and bleeding nipples. Episiotomies.  What the actual hell. I mean, I knew all of this stuff in theory, but now it’s going to be me in March. Me.

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One person in this photo is pregnant.

We go to his brother’s wedding in Denver a week later, and we keep our secret. It’s fun, just the two of us knowing, and we’re sitting at a table at the wedding with a pregnant woman who is ready to pop. Me, too, I think. I’m pregnant too and no one knows! It’s a giddy, tight thought that runs circles in my brain, wearing down a track. I ask the bartender to give me a diet Coke in a lowball glass so that people think I’m drinking a cocktail. We eat cake in bed after the wedding, and Kris watches TV and I read. In the book I’m reading, All the Way Home, which I picked up because it is supposed to be primarily about a home renovation, the wife in it has two miscarriages in a row. I just got done reading The Light Between Oceans. There were a ton of miscarriages in there, too. Miscarriage. The word is a far away iceberg. I eat more cake, telling myself that the baby wants more cake.

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Oreos in lieu of cake.

We tell our parents. His first, then mine. We just made four people grandparents. We talk about the future. The baby’s due date is my mom’s birthday. I start looking up astrological signs. Aries or Pisces, depending on the actual birthday. Gemstone: aquamarine. Baby will be class of 2035. It will be four months old when I turn 33. It will be eight months old for Christmas next year. I will look very pregnant by this Christmas. Baby is the size of a blueberry. Then a raspberry.

We countdown to our first doctor’s appointment, August 11. On that day, we take half a day off from work, grab lunch, talk about the baby and future in the endless, circular way we have been doing for four weeks. We go to Menards and buy new outdoor lights and talk about renovation plans. The bedroom we have slated for the nursery is going to need blackout curtains because it faces east.

We’re early to the appointment. I’m giddy. Nervous but excited. There will never be another moment like this for me, for us, in which we get to see our first baby on the ultrasound monitor. We wait to go from one lobby to another, then the exam room, then the ultrasound room where we wait some more. My doctor arrives. She congratulates us warmly before getting down to business.

The ultrasound wand goes in and there’s my uterus and there’s the yolk sac and there’s the embryo. The embryo is tiny. Too tiny for eight weeks, she tells us. It looks more like six weeks instead of eight and you need to come back in two weeks so we know everything is growing correctly. Here, she says, pointing to the barest flicker, is the heartbeat.

The Middle

Stunned, we are dismissed from the doctor’s office abruptly. No prenatal counseling, no picture from the ultrasound. Just go home and hold your breath for two weeks.

Still, I hold on to that heartbeat. It’s better than nothing. We still have a sliver of hope, but the doubt is worming its way in. I get asked by a friend if I’m pregnant. Am I? What is going on? I should be able to answer that question. You either are or you aren’t. No one is a little pregnant.

The days tick by slowly. Each night I count on my fingers how many days are left until the next ultrasound. 13 days. 9 days. 5 days. I still feel very pregnant, nauseous and tired and hungry in rotating intervals. My lower stomach even puffs out, although that could be the recent overindulgence in cake. My boobs still hurt. I am no longer complaining about these symptoms. They are all signs pointing to my rising pregnancy hormones and a growing baby.

We talk about the possibilities, but what good is talking about them? Nothing can happen. Everything can happen. We wait it out in exquisite agony. We are flying blind, completely helpless. Maybe this is our first taste of really being parents.

The next appointment is August 25, the day before Kris’s mom’s and my dad’s birthday. We can’t have bad news. We are much more somber when we get to the ultrasound room. No joking anymore. Just nerves. My doctor doesn’t make us wait this time. She starts the ultrasound, finds the shadow she has been looking for, and she searches and searches, and is silent and I know before she speaks, but knowing doesn’t make a difference.

“I’m seeing the yolk sac. But what I’m not seeing is an embryo,” she says, and I’m grateful for her tone, which is measured, and conveys the right amount of sorrow. I feel bad for her in this moment. How many times has she had to deliver this news to people? A dozen? A hundred?

Our secret joy becomes our secret loss.

She gives me three choices: have a D&C surgery where they go in and remove all the fetal tissue, or I take some pills which start the process of getting rid of everything, or I just wait for my body to do the job. I opt for the pills because I don’t want to take time off of work for a procedure. I don’t trust my body to do anything right, not anymore.

The After

I poured myself a glass of wine that night, which feels weird and makes things more real. Later, we filled the prescriptions at Walgreens. I made a mental note for the future that the next time I am getting a prescription someone in line could be standing there waiting for pills to start their miscarriage. I bought giant maxi pads that I haven’t had the pleasure of since 7th grade. Hello, wings, long time no see.

The physical pain was nothing, a footnote. I woke up early at 6:00 a.m., ready to be done with the whole process. I took the pills, and then the pain pills. Numb was where I wanted to be, and I mostly was. I spent the day in bed watching Snapped and making frequent trips to the bathroom. The cramps got worse and worse, and I grew tired in spite of the pain. I made one trip to the bathroom and knew that was it, and it was. Everything was over.

The following days were a blur of normalcy. I still went to work, even though I was fighting back tears at my desk, biding time until I could cry in my car at lunch. Kris and I went on a vacation we had planned for months before. We did the things we always did. I cleaned the litterbox. I checked the option on the pregnancy app that indicated miscarriage. The app emailed condolences. Pregnancy for Dummies went back to the library.

The pregnancies that were on the same timeline as ours had been began to crop up on Facebook, and my heart clenched. Why did they get to be pregnant and not me? They will be the ones holding a baby in March, not us. I tried to get back to my routines, looking for any distraction. I exercised. I meditated, I read, I wrote, I worked. I cleaned and meal planned, made plans for the near future. I smiled when I didn’t feel like it, and made bad, dark jokes. I cried more than I’ve ever cried. I’m still crying.

Was this punishment for being ambivalent at various points in my life about motherhood? For my always cavalier joking about babies? Are our genes some sort of toxic combination? What if this happens next time? Will there even be a next time? If I was waiting for a sign to have kids, isn’t this the sign I was waiting for? A big fat no, do not attempt? The questions kept coming, and keep coming. Is this because I’m asking for too much from the universe? Or is this just a case of cells not dividing properly, a 20% outcome of all pregnancies, like my doctor explained? Surely it can’t be something as simple and random as that.

It’s been almost two months. It hasn’t all been sadness. We’ve laughed since then. We’ve had fun, we’ve joked. Gone out to dinner, argued, read books and watched movies. We’ve celebrated and felt happy for friends expecting babies, and we still like seeing babies in our Facebook feed. I’d love to end this post with something happy like a “but we’re pregnant again!” line, but life doesn’t work that way. I’m not pregnant.

Instead, today I’m thinking about our baby that couldn’t stay and everyone else with a secret joy that turned into a secret loss.

Fav Things From September

Along with browsing AirBNB (I feel like they should pay me to work for them), these are a few of my favorite things lately.

This planner from Bloom. I loved my Some eCards planner, but this one is far superior. It give a monthly view, a weekly view, and lots of pages to set yearly goals, monthly goals, weekly goals. You can even track water intake if you want. I feel so much more productive and well-rounded with this planner. Some of it is too gooey for my tastes—I don’t dig quotes like “Don’t stop until you’re proud,” but eh. It’s a welcome change of pace. I should really just paste some funny eCards in there and it’d be perfect.

And yes, that’s my special Staedtler pen that I use specifically for this planner, and no, I’m not a nerd. You’re the nerd.

This ring from Etsy. I needed some writing inspiration and decided on part of a Hemingway quote: “There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed.” It reminds me of how much fun writing is!  Eh, or something like that.

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This magical tea from Good Earth is a nice addition to my tea stash. It has caffeine and makes me feel like there are calories in it, but there aren’t. This is my winter jam because my office is perpetually freezing and sometimes I can feel my fingers if they’re wrapped around a mug of this stuff. But, be warned that the tea bags come with lame quotes. Fortune favors the brave. Thanks for the reminder, Good Earth. Again, something that would be improved with Some eCards.

When Kris wasn’t home for dinner one night, my cat took his place at the dinner table. I was highly amused.

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I revived the morning smoothie ritual, and am really on board with the current mix: frozen banana, chocolate protein powder, spinach, and a few mint leaves. It’s sweet and refreshing and takes two minutes.

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I probably won’t want something cold in the winter, so I’m enjoying this while it lasts. Has anyone tried a hot smoothie? I am disgusted and intrigued.

Wearing all black to workout makes me feel like a ninja, especially in my Body Combat class where we punch and kick and pretend we have swords. The real feat of ninja-ry is getting out of the house without being covered in cat hair. I never really put much effort into gym clothes because, c’mon, I’m just going to get sweaty, but I’m permanently retiring my workout t-shirts which also doubled as pajamas sometime and weekend wear (sometimes all in the same day, ha!). I love my New Balance tank. Very flattering, and nice and long, which is a problem I have with workout clothes.

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That’s what has been rocking my world lately. Hello, October!

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We earmarked Labor Day weekend and beyond for working on a goal of ours: getting to all 50 states by the time we’re 35. Luckily, due to lots of previous travel, this shouldn’t be too hard to accomplish with some planning. My family road trips left me bereft of Virginia, North Carolina, and South Carolina. In a happy coincidence, Kris has family in North Carolina who graciously let us use their guest house, so the rest of our plans fell into place.

Here are some of the highlights, in no important order:

AirBNB for the win. We stayed at some really cool places that allowed us to get a flavor of the area. West Virginia was our first stop, and after a long day of driving, we realized our mistake of not making a more concerted effort to get to our AirBNB before dark. The roads were winding, dark and narrow, and GPS was long gone. I relied on my phone as a flashlight and reading good ol’ fashioned directions, just like early settlers. Terrible! Somehow we pulled in to our final destination, and got a case of the creeps. A gigantic white mansion loomed in the dark (no one was home) and we nervously punched in the key code to the above garage apartment that was our stop for the night. After speculating on how many murders had occurred/ghosts existed, we barricaded ourselves in our room and fell into uneasy sleep.

In the morning, all was well. We sheepishly put back the furniture we had moved and explored the beautiful country setting we found ourselves in. The apartment was perfect, and we should have stayed longer to enjoy it, but we had to hit the road…

West Virginia AirBNB

To get to the Peacock Cottage in Virginia! When we arrived (after a spirited navigational “discussion”) we were greeted with mini bottles upon mini bottles of wine. Thankfully, after a full day romping around Shenandoah National Park, Kris didn’t feel like doing much in terms of dinner and he dug into the treats and and I cracked open the wine, and we explored the farm.

The Peacock Cottage had an attached enclosure that housed two peacocks, Bonnie and Clyde. Bonnie was braver than Clyde, and Kris, for some reason fell in love with her and was calling her “Bon-bon” and “Bonnie Bun” every time I turned around. He wasn’t even the one swilling the wine. We heckled Clyde and demanded that he show us his feathers, but he mostly ran away from us. Clyde was an asshole. A beautiful asshole.

We spent the next few nights in the aforementioned guest house in Marshall, NC. There weren’t any peacocks to heckle, but there was a dog named Clyde, and a few cows.

Knoxville was just a stop over place to cut the long drive back in half. We stayed in a room in a nice family house and enjoyed a king-sized bed. I couldn’t figure out how to work the hot water in the bathroom, but Kris assures me I was just turning the wrong handle. Not sure about that, but I gave myself credit for trying to shower as I doused my hair in dry shampoo.

Even though this place was no frills, it did come with an excellent breakfast of gravy and biscuits. I would never order a breakfast like that, mainly because I don’t like gravy, but I was more than pleasantly surprised. The biscuits were delicious and the sausage gravy had a little spicy kick that I’m still thinking about. The owners’ three kids entertained us with stories at breakfast. They mainly involved people crossing the road and getting run over. Coincidentally, we almost got rear-ended right outside this AirBNB.

Knoxville and the Wigsphere? Oh, Sunsphere.

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Last stop was by Turkey Run in Indiana. This vintage camper lives in a private campground. The owner of it clearly put a lot of time into decorating it and I could’ve spent hours looking at all the little knick-knacks, but in reality I was more intent on finding the s’mores supplies, which I did. I ate two and Kris only had one because he was ‘full.’ I don’t know how I married someone who stops eating when they are full.

Inside of the camper:

So, in case you can’t tell, I really, really dig AirBNBs. It can be a little awkward for me to make small talk with the hosts, but sometimes, if you are lucky your husband will do that for you, or the owner will be out of town anyway. Consider it if you are traveling! We’ve had lots of good luck with them, and they are usually cheaper than a hotel, or you can splurge one night (Peacock Cottage) and skimp another night (Knoxville) according to your needs.

Oh yeah, we did stuff on this trip, too, other than stay in cool places.

We visited Shenandoah National Park, and did some hikes there. The park ranger who sold us our pass bought a car in Wisconsin. He said he bought it in “Sun City, by Madison.”

Went to Monticello. TJ seems like he was a pretty interesting guy. We saw an original pair of his boots, and I must say he had shockingly skinny calves.

We explored the Biltmore. This is easily an entire day adventure, and worth the steep admission price ($75+ each with the audio guide). After exploring the house and gardens, we made our way to the winery. The wine pourer lady was too slow for us, so we destroyed their free sample snack area in revenge. Which led to us dropping another $60 buying presents, so I guess the Biltmore really won that round.

Asheville was fun. I highly enjoyed the Omni Park Grove Spa, which we don’t have any pictures of because we were too busy relaxing. Obligatory stop at Honey Tupelo Cafe, even though Kris was full. Full means nothing!

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Side trip to cross the border into South Carolina to see Table Rock, and the home of the Blair Witch.

Grandfather Mountain was hot and the elevator was broken. We were both sweaty and gross and one of us was cranky. That person is not pictured out of respect for their privacy.

Blue Ridge Parkway and Great Smoky Mountains National Park.

Clingman’s Dome, which I kept calling Klingon’s Dome to annoy Kris.

Also not pictured: two different alpine coasters that we rode. Very fun. Pro tip: do the Smoky Mountain Alpine Coaster in Pigeon Forge. Another pro tip: do not drive through Pigeon Forge on a Friday afternoon when there is a convention for vintage cars because it will make you murderous or suicidal.

Turkey Run State Park in Indiana: a childhood haunt of Kris’s that we revisited. Just a little hike, he said. Yeah.

All in all, a good time and three missing states checked off for me.

PS-We also saw Dinosaur Kingdom 2. Don’t ask me. Ask Kris.

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Prague and Croatia

Prague was my favorite. I have always wanted to go here, fueled by, of all things, the scenes from Mission Impossible that made Prague look romantic and mysterious. The architecture and cobblestones made it look like something out of a fairy tale. This was one city where my thoughts were not, “When will I be back?” but “I must come back.” I can’t wait to explore more of eastern Europe someday, and we’ll have to stop by Prague again.

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Our last stop was Croatia. We flew into Split, Croatia and took a ferry to Hvar. We couldn’t stop taking pictures of the water.

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That’s all! Thanks for looking. We had a great time and made some amazing memories.

 

 

 

Venice and Rome

Venice! One day and one night. Beautiful maze.  Throw away the map because it won’t help.

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Roma! A lot fewer pictures of us because we were getting a little…haggard…at this point.

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Amsterdam and Vienna

Only a day in Amsterdam and a few hours in Vienna, but we made the most of it.

Vienna: we had time to take a quick walk and grab dinner and I got to practice my 5+ years of German for a few hours. We will have to get back here and explore a bit more.  Also, some pictures from our overnight train car. We splurged for a private car and felt like royalty.

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Amsterdam

We had a full day and night here. The food was amazing. Alas, the space cakes did nothing for either one of us. We stayed at Hotel Not Hotel, where our room was behind a bookcase. We also visited a cat museum, wherein I found an apt drawing of what it’s like to own a cat.

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